“Let down and hanging around. Crushed like a bug in the ground.”
- Radiohead
REFLECTIONS
FOUR CHAIRS
Have you ever felt the pain of letting someone down?
People who believed in you.
People who sacrificed with you.
People who fought alongside you.
The pain is unbearable, you feel “crushed like a bug in the ground.”
I usually stuff my feelings deep inside, ignoring the pain, hoping it will just go away. This time I didn’t want to let it slide, I wanted to sit on it, they deserved at least that.
I witnessed their hurt, their disappointment, and I couldn’t shake it off. I felt horrible.
In order to give the day its proper memorial, I crafted four chairs to help me revisit the weight of that moment. Each chair represented a particular person but it also served as a reminder of all the people I’ve wounded over the years.
I decided to light the chairs on fire, to sit in front of it, to mirror and to revisit the emotional intensity of facing those I hold dear, acknowledging the pain I’ve caused.
The burnt remnants of the chairs, like trust, speak to faith damaged, maybe even destroyed. But it also carried for me (and I hope for the ones I have negatively impacted) the promise of something new rising from the ashes.
ASHES
There is transformative power embedded in acknowledging your mistakes and your sins. And there’s resurrection power experienced when forgiveness is gifted to you by a sister or a brother in Christ.
Transformation and resurrection that’s what this is about.
In repentance and rest, as Scripture says, is my salvation.
As for the ashes, they’ll be saved for the upcoming Ash Wednesday service. Lent will take on new levels of understanding for me. I plan to use the ashes from burning these chairs on Ash Wednesday. The cross that will be smeared on my forehead will not only represent the forgiveness I have in Christ but the forgiveness I’ve experienced through the Body of Christ.
To the four chairs… I’m sorry.