PNEUMA: BREATH
REFLECTION
Father's PNEUMA is a very personal project for me. It was my attempt to reflect and process the devastating effects of Pulmonary Fibrosis - a debilitating lung disease that is taking my father's life. Through this piece, I explore the heart-wrenching journey of watching a loved one's gradual loss of breath and the overwhelming helplessness of such a condition.
The project came to mind when my father informed me of his decision to donate his body to science. The organization he chose to submit his body to (UCI Medical) does not allow any of his remains to be left. His entire body will be taken and consumed. This added new complexities to the grief I was already experiencing. The absence of a traditional burial site or memorial urn leaves a void I hope this piece will fill to some level. But it is not merely a memorial of sorts, it’s also an exploration of the spirit, a reflection on the essence of a person, or as the Greeks call it, "PNEUMA."
This art piece is a collaborative effort between my father and me, and it turned out to be a sacred moment for both of us. There was a Third Person present that we were initially unaware of. God’s presence, God’s PNEUMA, occupied this moment with us. It’s a moment I will never forget as my father, who spent his entire life avoiding and shunning God, laid his hands on me to pray. His voice was weak, but his earnest plea was so strong as he cried out to God for His protection and blessing over my family and life.
The vials were used as containers to preserve his and only his breath. In contrast, the four empty IV fluid bags are a bit more multilayered in that they were used to capture both my father’s breath and mine. As my father, weakened by his illness, struggled to fill the bags, I joined him and filled the rest with the air from my lungs. To me, filling the bags with our breaths represents life as a journey of shared space, a sacred dialogue between father and son, and a reminder of the cyclical nature of life. The bags full of our “PNEUMA” embody the reciprocity of care and support that defines the bond between parent and child.
As I grapple with the impending loss, "Father's PNEUMA" provides a space to mourn at my own pace. It acknowledges that the journey of grief is unique for everyone, often lasting for months or even years after a loss. The “PNEUMA,” sealed and saved, offers me an enduring memory of his spirit.
